


Scattershots

by Lyrstzha



Category: Firefly, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Canon Het Relationship, Character Death, Crack, Crossover, Episode Related, F/F, F/M, Femslash, First Time, Fluff, Foursome - F/F/F/F, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, POV Minor Character, Smut, Tropes, UST, au: ancient greece, engineering kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 09:52:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrstzha/pseuds/Lyrstzha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifteen unconnected ficlets spanning the spectrum from gen to slash to het to femslash, each one exploring a different type of trope: angst, AU, crossover, kink, OT4, smut, death, minor character POV, UST, hurt/comfort, humor, fluff, first time, episode related, and crack. Ranges from G-rated to R.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scattershots

Angst:  
A few hours out from Ezra, Zoe found Mal glowering at the stars from the pilot’s chair on the bridge. She sat down in the co-pilot’s seat with only a nod of greeting, and didn’t say anything at all for a spell. Just when Mal was thinking that she wasn’t going to, she did. 

"Might could ask her to stay, Sir. Happen maybe she would."

"Ain't got no pull with Inara," Mal snarled. "Even if I had call to ask her any such fool thing, which I _ain't_. She wants to go, let her."

 

AU:  
Simonides crept into the temple as soundlessly as he could, sandaled feet scuffing slightly against weathered stone in spite of his best efforts. Even at this late hour, there might well still be priests lurking about; Delphi slept but lightly in the summer months when Apollo favored them with his gift of prophecy.

Panting so loudly he thought the echo of his breath must wake the entire temple, Simonides made his way down the winding path to the _abydon_ , hoping to find his sister unattended by human priests, whether Apollo was with her or not.

They'd just have to see how the god felt about having his Pythia taken away.

 

Crack:  
"Client confidentiality extends to poultry," Inara said flatly, presenting Mal with something that thrashed and clucked inside a bundle of her best silk sheets. "Make sure Jayne understands that if I find him hiding on my shuttle and spying on my work again, I will have him plucked, stuffed, and roasted in a zesty lemon and champagne reduction."

 

Crossover:  
 _Assassinate Captain Jack Harkness_ , River's handler had said, the command sinking its hooks into her stripped brain and nettling at her until she stopped fighting it.

But beside her the corpse gasped, and a crushing weight of returning memory exploded across her mind's eye until she screamed and curled her arms over her head, which did not help at all.

"You're a cute kid, but not exactly how a man pictures his killer. What are you, fifteen?" the corpse asked her, in a surprisingly casual tone. "Were you planning on killing me again, or should I get you a cup of tea?"

 

Death:  
"Can't be fixin' to die on me, Doc," Mal murmurs insistently, his hands pressing hard against the jagged wound in Simon's side. There is no _Serenity_ in the wide sky above, not even a distant glint of metal on the horizon, no matter how desperately Mal's eyes scan the clouds. "Ain't got anyone to fix you up proper 'cept _you_ , so you're just gonna have to be all right, y'hear? Who's gonna give me grief about this gorram moon-brained plan if you ain't around to do it?"

He keeps pressing long after the blood stops flowing, and even when he can make himself stop, his hands still fuss at Simon's vest a little for a long while yet, like its wearer might be concerned with wrinkles and stains.

 

Episode Related:  
"Don't know what you was thinkin', Doc. Didn't have to go gettin' yourself shot. No bounty hunter takes a body off my crew don't wanna go, 'less they get taken over my dead body." Mal shifted a little to helpfully press Simon's leg into a better angle as Simon pricked another neat stitch into his own flesh.

"Well," Simon said evenly, not looking up from his work. "It looked like it might be coming to that, so you'll have to excuse me if I got a bit _concerned_."

Mal snorted. "Ain't gotta be worried over me none. I can take care of my own self."

Simon did look up at that, his lips quirking upwards. "Now _that_ ," he said, shaking his head, "is easily the most ridiculous, idiotic thing I have ever heard anyone say on this ship. And given that _Jayne_ lives here too, that's really saying something."

 

First time:  
"That was mighty fine pilotin'," Zoe remarks blandly. "Your hands that steady all the time?"

"I!" Wash exclaims, for once at a loss for words for just a second before he can recover himself. "I mean, yes! Steady as rocks, only not, you know, the kind of rocks from those planets with quakes, because _those_ rocks shake and rattle and fall down into people's houses, and---"

Zoe presses a palm over his mouth. "How 'bout you just show me?"

 

Fluff:  
Once upon a time, in a land which was as inconveniently located from the Core as possible to avoid those damn Feds, there lived a man named Book. He lived on a cozy little ship called _Serenity_ , and he was mostly at peace with himself, except for when he thought about his past. He tried very hard not to mention that last bit to anyone else, but people are bound to talk, especially when those people are liquored-up-Jayne type people. Sure as stars burning, rumor of Book's past came round to the ear of a squirrelly little man called Badger, though the version he heard was garbled at best, and mostly led him to believe that Book might be some sort of runaway scion of one of the noble families of Sihnon. It came to Badger that a man might be able to make a bit of profit on the ransom of such a fellow.

So, naturally Badger lured in the good ship Serenity with promises of work, only to steal away with Book while most of the crew wasn't on board. The evil Badger locked poor Book up in a tall high-rise with the finest security money could buy. There were no doors or lifts in the high-rise; when Badger came calling with food every day, he'd yell up to Book: "Book, Book, let down your hair!", and he'd climb up. Book, you see, had wonderfully long braids which just reached the ground if he leaned far enough out of his window---which he always did when Badger yelled, because otherwise there'd be no food, and man does not live by scripture alone.

 

Humor:  
"Just remember that God has a plan for all of us, son," Book said gravely, bracing one foot on Jayne's hip and wrestling the zipper of the slinky dress upwards by a few more teeth every time Jayne breathed out.

"Let’s just hope he’s a gorram sight better in the plannin’ department than Mal," Jayne bit out, trying not to inhale. A girdle might've helped, he reflected to himself, but those gorram things just plain made him ornery.

 

Hurt/comfort:  
Kaylee shivered, her hands shoved far into her armpits where Inara couldn't see them shake. "Just left me lyin' there, trussed up all helpless and alone," she whispered, her voice cracking around the edges. "I thought sure he'd come back for me any minute. Thought he'd..." She swallowed audibly and curled over a little, obviously trying not to throw up on Inara's bed.

"Oh, _mei mei_ ," Inara murmured feelingly, running her hand down Kaylee's back in long, soothing strokes. "You're safe now. I've got you." She pulled Kaylee to lean against her more fully. "I've got you," Inara repeated fervently.

 

Smut:  
Simon reached one hand up to brace his palm against the wall at the head of Mal's bunk, silent permission to fuck him. Mal gasped for breath and control at the sight, but could catch hold of neither. He scrambled with his pants and the lube, hands clumsy with haste.

Simon gave an impatient wriggle of his hips. " _Now_ ," he insisted, all kinds of troublesome, even at times like this, even though he blushed as he said it.

 

UST:  
"Just somethin' about him I don't like," Zoe said again, shrugging.

"Seems to like _you_ well enough," Mal snickered.

"Don't make no never mind what _he_ likes, Captain," Zoe said firmly.

"Good." Mal nodded, turning to make his way toward the cargo bay. "Last thing we need's shipboard romance. That kinda mess don't never end well."

"Ain't gonna be startin' nothin' to end, Sir," she called after him. She turned back to look out at Verbena's green, sunny spring day. Kaylee and Wash were screeching with laughter and tumbling out of a tree, only luck keeping them from cracking their fool heads wide open. As if he felt the weight of her gaze, Wash looked up, his smile lighting up even more when he met Zoe's eyes. That smile was almost too bright to look on, but Zoe didn't turn away. "Just somethin' about him, is all," she muttered under her breath. 

 

Kink:  
"Oh, _'Nara_ ," Kaylee purred. "Never knew you'd still look so perfect all nekkid and covered in engine grease like that."

Playing the part of a ship, Inara could only _hmmm_ appreciatively like an engine in response to this.

"Sounds like your catalyzer coil's a mite off," Kaylee murmured, smearing her fingertips through the grease over the lush curve of Inara's breast. "Poor baby." She slid her fingers slowly over a nipple, listening to the slight change of pitch in Inara's hum as she did so. She grinned sunnily. "But don't you worry none. Bet I got a tool that can fix that right up for you, good as new."

 

OT4:  
"What the gorram blazes is goin' on in my engine room?!" Mal demanded indignantly.

"Wonderful. Bad timing _and_ hysteria," Inara muttered from somewhere near the bottom of a shifting mass of flesh that Mal thought he really ought to look away from any minute now.

River poked her head out of the tangle of limbs to blink up at him. "Advanced vector calculations are necessary for this many intersections. No time for questions."

Kaylee flailed her way to the top of the pile with a huff. "Aww, Cap'n," she panted, hair in her mouth. "Don't you know this's the best way to get a body warm again?" She didn't say Zoe's name, didn't say the word "comfort", but Mal could hear it in her voice clear as day.

Zoe herself did not say a thing.

Mal shut his mouth with a click and turned on his heel to go without another word. There'd be plenty of time later to complain about crew taking up with each other again, for all the good _that_ ever seemed to do.

 

Minor Character POV:  
"Hey there. You seen a ship called Serenity, mighta passed through here a couple days back?"

Hiram shook his head mutely at the stranger with barely a glance up, tapping docking codes into his terminal all the while.

"Well, now," the stranger said after a few minutes, suddenly reminding Hiram he was still there. "Might be more inclined to believe you if I didn't know that right there was a bald-faced lie." He didn't raise his voice at all, but something ominous about his tone got Hiram's undivided attention and made his blood run cold. "Says right in scripture that if thy right hand offends thee, thou shalt cut it off, but it don't say noplace what to do when somebody _else's_ right hand offends thee." The stranger leaned over the battered desk, a long blade appearing in his hand abruptly like a trick of the light. "That seem right to you?"

**Author's Note:**

> The short crossover developed into [Xeno's Paradox](http://archiveofourown.org/works/152188), and the crack snippet belongs in my [Chickenification](http://archiveofourown.org/series/1693) series.


End file.
